You Wouldn't Let Me In

I went to Mass today, a late Saturday afternoon Catholic church service.  During the sermon, the priest told a story which I found particularly instructive, and which is as follows. 

An especially devout woman prayed much every day.  After a long time of such persistent prayer, Jesus told her that because of her devotion, He would visit her the next day.

When she woke up, she eagerly began cleaning her home.  She was also spending much of the day cooking.  In the morning, the bell rang.  She answered the door.  A young child, upset, cried to her that he was lost and couldn't find his family.  He asked the woman to help him.  She replied that she was busy, so that she couldn't help him.

She returned to her cleaning and cooking.  In the afternoon, a middle-aged woman appeared at her door.  The woman outside the door shared that she and her family were poor and that they didn't know how they would be able to eat their next meal.  The woman in the house responded that she didn't have time to help her because she was occupied with her cooking and cleaning. 

The woman in the house recommenced her work.  When it was in the evening, an elderly man appeared at her door and asked for her help.  The woman explained that she couldn't assist him because she already had a lot to do.  The lady kept working and eventually turned in for the night.

During her dreams that night, she saw Jesus in a dream.  She noted, "You said You were going to come visit me."  Then she asked Him, "Why didn't You come visit me?"

Jesus replied, "I came to you three times, but you wouldn't let Me in." 

Orientation Part Two: Racism, Injustice, Poverty, And Personal Choices

After the day at Lasallian Volunteer (LV) Orientation when we all went to Covenant Harbor as I described in my last blog entry, next we were back at Lewis University in Illinois, where we had sessions on numerous topics.  We had one period where the leader asked us to talk about our motivations for joining the LV program and about our views on social justice. 

During that session, as the facilitator made differing statements about various topics, each time he made one of these statements, he asked us to get into one of four groups, the first group if we strongly agreed with the statement, the second if we agreed with the statement, the third if we disagreed with the statement, and the fourth if we strongly disagreed with the statement.  I must say I was interested to see where my fellow LVs stood in the room as the session facilitator made each statement.

The presenter said, "My main reason for joining the LV program is to grow spiritually."  I stood in the quarter of the room to indicate that I strongly agreed that the statement applied to me.  I joined the LV program to help myself discern the type of work I want to do, to help me see if I would like to teach full-time.  But moreso I joined the LV program to see how I feel about living in faith-based community.  And even more than living in community, I joined the LV program to grow spiritually, from serving others in the work I am going to do, and also, I feel even moreso, by living in faith-based community.  While living in community, I hope to learn primarily about myself, what I need to improve in myself, and what weaknesses I have which I must accept in myself.  While living in community, I also would like to learn about others, about the other members of the community, and how I can support them.  Yet truly by living in community, I hope that in gaining this knowledge, and in applying it, in trying to be more kind and compassionate to others around me, I hope to grow spiritually.  I see community as a means to an end, not simply an end in itself.

Next the facilitator said, "My main reason for joining the LV program is to live in faith-based community."  Since I believe that community is a means to the end of spiritual growth, I only moved one group over, so that I was in the category to show that I agreed with the statement.

Later the presenter read the statement, "Racism is the primary cause of suffering and injustice in the United States."  Here the population of LVs was mostly in the middle of the room.  I was in the group which disagreed with the statement.  A friend of mine, who strongly disagreed with the statement, started explaining that he believes that not racism, but prejudice, is the main cause of suffering and injustice in the U.S.  He went on to say that racism is only one way in which prejudice is manifested.  He added that sexism has been the cause of much suffering and injustice in the U.S.A. as well.  He opined that racism, sexism and other forms of discrimination have the same root, which he termed prejudice.  Once he had explained his viewpoint, I moved into his quadrant of the room.  Although I would've phrased my thoughts on it a bit differently, I agreed with the basic thrust of his point.  I would've stated that hatred is the primary cause of racism and sexism and other forms of suffering and injustice anywhere.

During that session, I did not add my thoughts to the discussion, since the presenter was moving the conversation along.  Here online, I am relatively unconstrained by time.  Thus I can state that not only do I believe that hatred is the primary cause of suffering and justice, but also that conversely, love is the root of well-being and justice.

And I believe that we can best achieve justice by loving as best as we can.  Indeed, I follow and try to emulate Jesus as a Christian since no one else has lived a life of love as well as Jesus did.  In addition to living without sin, He laid down His life, allowing Himself to be crucified such that He died on the cross for all of us.  Since Jesus is so important to me, indeed since He is my Savior, I note that I follow Him specifically as a Christian because Christians believe that He died on the cross and triumphed over death in His resurrection, which Muslims do not believe.  I honor the full extent of the sacrifice Jesus made and the example He set.  As Jesus Himself said, at John 15:13, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for others."  And He did so of His own free will.  As we read at John 10:18, He noted that He laid down His life of His own accord, and that He could have taken it up again if He had chosen to do so.

Had I expressed these thoughts, including these on the pivotal role of free will, during this session at Orientation, they could have dovetailed into the presenter's next statement, when he said, "The majority of people living in poverty are poor because of bad personal choices."  All of the LVs in the room moved to the side of the room to indicate that they either disagreed or strongly disagreed with the statement.  Indeed, with around 50 of us LVs in the room, I wasn't sure that all of us could fit into one quarter of the room, so I'm not sure whether or not everyone strongly disagreed with the statement, or whether some of us strongly disagreed with it and others just disagreed with it.

After we had been discussing this statement for a little while, I raised my hand and noted that nearly all of the people, if not everyone, in the room had chosen at some point, whether in the past, present or continuing into the future, to be financially poor.  Of course, the vast majority of us in the room were LVs.  Aside from the LVs in the room, LV staff were also in the room.  Most LV staff members used to be LVs themselves, and thus used to live on the modest stipend LVs receive. 

I further noted that plenty of people (which would include monks, nuns, priests, social justice activists, pro bono lawyers, and Peace Corps volunteers, among many others) would view that voluntary decision to be monetarily poor as a good personal choice.  I wanted to be sure that not everyone in the room was looking at financial poverty as a bad thing!  I found it appropriate to point out that many find it laudable to be purposefully financially poor by reminding everyone in the room that probably all of them chose financial poverty at some point in their lives.  Granted, I am fully aware that the vast majority of impoverished people in the world are not monetarily poor by choice.  Nevertheless, I wanted to illustrate that the question could be viewed from a different perspective. 

Soon thereafter, again trying to look at the question from a different perspective, I asked the session facilitator if he had intended for the statement to apply to financial poverty.  He indicated that one did not necessarily have to interpret the statement as dealing with poverty in a monetary sense.  As soon as he had said that, I began moving my way through the crowd which had gathered on the one side of the room.  I walked over to the other side of the room, where I now stood alone.  I explained that if the statement is taken as applying to spiritual poverty, then I strongly disagreed with it.  All of us, every last one of us, who is spiritually poor is in that condition because we have made poor personal choices.  (And I quickly point out that many of us, including myself, are spiritually poor.  We are trying to crawl out of the darkness which comes along with the bad choices we have made; we are trying to return to The Light, which is from God above.) 

We all have free will.  All of us know the difference between right and wrong.  Each of us has a conscience.  It is only us who do spiritual damage to ourselves.  Others might be able to physically injure us or financially harm us.  How we choose to respond to events in our lives determines our spiritual state of health.  As Jesus noted, nothing from outside us can hurt us.  As He also explained at Mark 7:15-23, it is what is within us which hurts us; the poor personal choices we make are what hurt us, since ultimately we can only be responsible for our own choices.  We cannot be responsible for what is done to us, but we can, and indeed are, whether we like it or not, responsible for how we respond to events in our lives. 

Since we are responsible for the choices we make, we are also more specifically responsible for how we respond to others in need.  And when we help others who need our assistance, we not only help them, but we also create spiritual wealth for ourselves. 

What kind of wealth do we want to amass?  At what expense?  When we accumulate spiritual wealth, often we put assisting others over earning money for ourselves.  Do we help others, perhaps at the expense of our bank account?  Do we help our own bank account, perhaps at the expense of our souls?  As Jesus noted at Matthew 6:21, where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. 

Do we help someone else in need, or do we pass by that person?  The LV program was founded to provide volunteering opportunities for helping disadvantaged youths, clearly a decision to help those in need.  By helping others in need, and in doing so rather than pursuing material wealth, one redefines wealth.  True wealth, wealth that will last for eternity, is spiritual wealth. 

We can only be responsible for our own choices, including the ones we make about the types of wealth we accumulate.  Thus our choices truly define us; they determine our eternal destiny.  Make yours reflect the best values you can. 

Site Visit

After I accepted the invitation to become a Lasallian Volunteer (LV), the Director of Lasallian Volunteers called me to discuss my site preferences with me.  After accepting the invitation, before we spoke again on the phone, I had a few days to think about what I wanted to get out of the program.  Thus I felt that I had gathered my thoughts enough to be able to explain well to the Director the kind of experience I hoped to have as an LV.

I considered the Brothers of the Christian Schools, the religious order which founded the Lasallian Volunteer program.  The Brothers have taken vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to God.  However, they don't live in monasteries.  They live in houses much like anyone else does, yet they live in Christian faith-based community with each other, sharing prayer and fellowship together.  Given how I've enjoyed spending time with people who have consecrated their lives to God, I told the LV Director that I had a very strong preference to live in a community with the Brothers.  I want to see what it's like living as the Brothers do, rather than live in a community composed solely of LVs, as a small number of LVs do.

I also told the LV Director that although I had indicated on my application that my first choice would be to teach ESL (English As A Second Language), I had thought further about work positions and had decided that my first choice would be to serve as a high school teacher, and that my second choice would be to serve as a middle school teacher.  Since I had interviewed to be an LV, I had thought about how in a previous job, I had expressed uncertainty about my ability to do certain tasks well, which had led my supervisor at the time to say to me, "Don't give me that Scarecrow from 'The Wizard Of Oz' routine!"  After I had interviewed to be an LV, I had started applying that advice from my former supervisor, trying to shed my uncertainty, and instead telling myself that I was able to teach high school or middle school. 

As the weeks after the interview passed, the LV Director contacted me from time to time to update me on the process of selecting a site for me.  At one point, she contacted me and informed me that the site selection process had narrowed the options for my site down to three possibilities. 

A short time thereafter, she informed me that the principal of a middle school in Chicago soon would be contacting me.  Within a week or so, perhaps in the middle of April, the principal called me.  We had a pleasant conversation, which I took as a good sign.  He told me that he would be in touch with me. 

At the end of April, he invited me to come visit the school.  He asked me when and for how long I would like to visit.  I told him that I wanted to visit the school as soon as possible for a few days.  He purchased the tickets and less than a week later, I was flying to Chicago in early May. 

I landed at O'Hare in the afternoon and took the subway's blue line into the city.  The principal had arranged it so that a teacher picked me up from a stop on the blue line to drive me to the community house.  In the small world in which we live, as we chatted in the car, we found that one of his best friends had served with me in the Peace Corps in Morocco over the last couple of years! 

I enjoyed my stay at the community house.  Two LVs in their first year of service, Whitney and Megan, had been living in the house thus far during their year of service.  At the end of their first year of service, during this summer, they moved to the other community house which is across the alley separating the two houses.  They'll live there during the second year of their service, that is to say, for the next 12 months.  I enjoyed talking with Whitney and Megan, who are very friendly and happily answered my questions about serving as LVs and about living in the community. 

The first thing in the morning, at 7:00 a.m., the Brothers, Whitney, Megan and I gathered for morning prayer.  We read aloud together out of the Shorter Book Of Christian Prayer, reading mostly Psalms, and at times other Scripture passages as well. 

After the brief morning prayer of about 15 minutes, most members of the community gathered for breakfast in the dining room.  There's a fair supply of cereals, as well as oatmeal, toast, English muffins, and coffee to be had in the house. 

At the community house, we also gathered for evening prayer.  Technically it is late afternoon prayer, given that we met for evening prayer at 5:00 p.m.  Evening prayer is substantially similar to morning prayer. 

Immediately following evening prayer, we shared dinner together in the dining room.  One night during my visit, we had gumbo! 

During my site visit, when I wasn't at the house, most of the time I was at the school.  I had a long enough site visit that I was able to spend three full days at the school.  It's a small school, only serving kids in grades 6, 7 and 8.  There are only about 28 students in each grade, so that each grade is entirely contained in its own classroom.  The vast majority of the pupils are of Mexican heritage.  Well over 90 percent of them qualify for free or reduced-cost lunch.  Given that the school serves so many poor children, I had been looking forward to going to the school. 

From the moment I stepped onto the floor on which the school is located, even before meeting any of the staff or students, I had a good feeling.  Then once I started meeting the children and teachers and other staff, I felt even more comfortable and excited to be there.  The kids are fairly well-behaved and are exceptionally respectful.  I found the teachers and other staff to be friendly and happy to answer any questions I had. 

Once the school day got started, I got to see first-hand how each student reads 90 minutes each day, a practice I think is wonderful.  The principal had me sit with individual students who were reading, confirming their accurate pronunciations when they seemed uncertain, encouraging them, and correcting some of their mistakes as they read. 

The principal also asked me to teach the 8th grade religion class one afternoon so he could see how I would interact with the students.  Since the students were about to start learning about Pentecost, I decided to teach about Pentecost, when God sent the Holy Spirit down upon the Apostles.  I started off the lesson asking the kids what types of events worry them, and how they react to such events.  Then I asked the students how the Apostles felt right after Jesus had been crucified.  A student replied that the Apostles were worried.  I had a student read the Bible verses in which Jesus had assured His Apostles that He would send the Holy Spirit upon them.  Then I asked for a half dozen volunteers.  I had the six or so students come to the front of the class and they and I took turns reading aloud as we made our way through the second chapter of the book of the Acts of the Apostles, in which Luke the Evangelist recounts how God indeed sent the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles, strengthening them and enabling them to do great things.  After we had finished reading from the Bible, I referenced and called upon the Scripture passage to illustrate how God wants us to trust in Him, and that when we do, we are empowered to do great things for Him. 

After the class, a teacher asked me how the lesson went.  The principal happened to be passing us at that moment.  I deferred to him.  I responded, "You'll have to ask him."  I was glad to hear that he was pleased with my teaching style, how I involved the students in the lesson, and how I handled unexpected occurrences during the lesson.  He noted that in my interactions with students, it helps how I speak with energy and show animated facial expressions, tendencies which I hadn't considered as being helpful when I teach. 

While I was glad to hear that the principal had been pleased with my teaching style, I was still concerned about being able to teach well.  Thankfully, he gave me a couple of fantastic books to read, "The Essential 55" by Ron Clark and "Teach Like A Champion" by Doug Lemov.  After reading them in May, June and July, I recommend them both, as they contain very helpful tips about teaching.  In the first book, Clark tends to focus on getting kids into the right mindset for school, both for studying well and for behaving well both in and out of school.  Lemov shares his observations of how outstanding teachers convey knowledge and cultivate reasoning skills, and also how they manage their classrooms well.  I found both books to be insightful; after reading both of those books, I'm less anxious about teaching.

I'm excited about the coming school year.  I'm looking forward to teaching.  And more specifically, I'm glad that I'm going to be teaching at a school where poor children attend.  I'm also glad to have co-workers who share my Christian faith and who are trying to express their faith by caring for others, especially those who don't have a lot.  I'm happy to be trying to live my faith, being supported by those who share it and hopefully supporting them too.