This week was not without its challenges for me. That's to be expected, but the predictability didn't lessen the difficulty.
Amongst the challenges I've faced, I've felt overwhelmed with contact with other people. I am an introvert for sure. As I've heard described fairly recently, introverts recharge themselves by being sure to spend adequate time in solitude, a tendency I definitely have. Thus during this school year, I've felt overloaded with interactions with others, largely by spending so much time in the classroom and otherwise at school.
At one point this week, I was feeling unable to cope with so much contact with others. Honestly I felt like I was not able to do this job because of the combination of multiple challenging factors. It entails not only interacting so much with other people, but also teaching students with such a wide range of abilities, and also handling behavioral issues in the classroom, often all at the same time. Feeling like I simply was not able to do this job, I prayed to God, asking Him, "Why did you send me here when you knew I wouldn't be able to do this job? Why did you send me here knowing that I would fail?" I was in the completely wrong mindset to be able to receive the answer.
Later, I was praying to God in a very matter-of-fact way. Essentially, I was just talking to Him. Feeling inadequate to do this job, I told Him, "If you want me to do this, you have to give me your grace and your strength. I literally cannot do this without you."
And with that, I placed myself in a position to be able to receive the answer. Simultaneously I had taken a posture which allowed me to receive the grace and the strength from God both to enable me to understand His answers to my questions that I had asked Him, as well as to enable me to succeed. When I had asked God why He had sent me where He knew I would fail, I was trying to do it on my own. When I stopped trying to do it on my own, when I acknowledged that I couldn't do it on my own, when I admitted that I needed His help, I became able to do it. Thus, He sent me here, where He knew I couldn't do it on my own, so that I would have to rely on Him.
God wants us to ask Him for help. He wants us to bother Him. He wants us to ask Him for the strength we need to do the work that He calls us to do.
Very soon after I prayed to God, telling Him that I needed the grace and the strength from Him to be able to do the work He has called me to do, He answered me. I felt a peace settle in my being. I can describe it somewhat as serenity. I can also say I became stronger. I was no longer anxious. He had given me the grace and the strength I had requested.
Having been rescued by Him, the next morning I found a particular reading very appropriate. In the morning, as I was gathered with the Brothers of the Christian Schools, with whom I live in faith-based community, at our daily weekday morning prayer session, we were reciting Psalms in unison as usual. I found it apropos, in light of how God had answered my request so quickly and thoroughly, that we were reciting Psalm 30. Psalm 30:1-3 reads:
I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
Just as the Psalmist wrote, God lifted me out of the depths. He rescued me from the despair that comes from trying to do it alone. I called to Him for help, and He did in fact heal me: he healed me from the angst I had been feeling from following the impossible, ill-advised, short-sighted strategy of trying to rely on myself. He spared me from the extremely unfortunate consequences which would have befallen me had I persisted in that ridiculous, foolish approach.
Glory be to God. He delivers me. He gives me the grace and the strength I need to be able to do the work that He calls me to do. This is what Jesus meant when He said, "Ask and you shall receive."* If we ask Him, God will give us what we need to be able to do the work which He calls us to do.
* Matthew 7:7
Amongst the challenges I've faced, I've felt overwhelmed with contact with other people. I am an introvert for sure. As I've heard described fairly recently, introverts recharge themselves by being sure to spend adequate time in solitude, a tendency I definitely have. Thus during this school year, I've felt overloaded with interactions with others, largely by spending so much time in the classroom and otherwise at school.
At one point this week, I was feeling unable to cope with so much contact with others. Honestly I felt like I was not able to do this job because of the combination of multiple challenging factors. It entails not only interacting so much with other people, but also teaching students with such a wide range of abilities, and also handling behavioral issues in the classroom, often all at the same time. Feeling like I simply was not able to do this job, I prayed to God, asking Him, "Why did you send me here when you knew I wouldn't be able to do this job? Why did you send me here knowing that I would fail?" I was in the completely wrong mindset to be able to receive the answer.
Later, I was praying to God in a very matter-of-fact way. Essentially, I was just talking to Him. Feeling inadequate to do this job, I told Him, "If you want me to do this, you have to give me your grace and your strength. I literally cannot do this without you."
And with that, I placed myself in a position to be able to receive the answer. Simultaneously I had taken a posture which allowed me to receive the grace and the strength from God both to enable me to understand His answers to my questions that I had asked Him, as well as to enable me to succeed. When I had asked God why He had sent me where He knew I would fail, I was trying to do it on my own. When I stopped trying to do it on my own, when I acknowledged that I couldn't do it on my own, when I admitted that I needed His help, I became able to do it. Thus, He sent me here, where He knew I couldn't do it on my own, so that I would have to rely on Him.
God wants us to ask Him for help. He wants us to bother Him. He wants us to ask Him for the strength we need to do the work that He calls us to do.
Very soon after I prayed to God, telling Him that I needed the grace and the strength from Him to be able to do the work He has called me to do, He answered me. I felt a peace settle in my being. I can describe it somewhat as serenity. I can also say I became stronger. I was no longer anxious. He had given me the grace and the strength I had requested.
Having been rescued by Him, the next morning I found a particular reading very appropriate. In the morning, as I was gathered with the Brothers of the Christian Schools, with whom I live in faith-based community, at our daily weekday morning prayer session, we were reciting Psalms in unison as usual. I found it apropos, in light of how God had answered my request so quickly and thoroughly, that we were reciting Psalm 30. Psalm 30:1-3 reads:
I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
Just as the Psalmist wrote, God lifted me out of the depths. He rescued me from the despair that comes from trying to do it alone. I called to Him for help, and He did in fact heal me: he healed me from the angst I had been feeling from following the impossible, ill-advised, short-sighted strategy of trying to rely on myself. He spared me from the extremely unfortunate consequences which would have befallen me had I persisted in that ridiculous, foolish approach.
Glory be to God. He delivers me. He gives me the grace and the strength I need to be able to do the work that He calls me to do. This is what Jesus meant when He said, "Ask and you shall receive."* If we ask Him, God will give us what we need to be able to do the work which He calls us to do.
* Matthew 7:7
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